He could never love me the way I need to be loved
completely, inarguably, inexhaustibly
because despite his best intentions I crave the reassurances a thousand promises cannot possibly amount to
I crave the silence between daybreak's where I no longer fear he will disappear on the moonlight tide
I crave the certainty of a future
unable to function on possibilities
but all he can offer me is possibilities
blind faith that maybe one day we'll reach that certainty and my desires will be fulfilled
but I don't think I can stand the wait
everyday scares me
each morning as he wakes I search his eyes for that damn reassurance that he still feels the same
and every night I wait till he takes me in his embrace and reminds me of my unmoving position in his life
but some nights it does not come
those are the nights where the thoughts take over my conscious state and I lie awake imagining bodies half held out of doors waiting for the signal to escape
how can someone love me knowing I will never truly believe them when they confess their love
how can someone hold me and tell me I am whole and beautiful and kind when inside I am still broken
you cannot fix shattered glass with the glue of hope, it does not bind against the fear of loneliness
and so as my love grows for you as each day passes so too does my hope that if all else fails my love will be the strength that keeps my ballerina heart spinning on its pedestal
hoping for the one day you will find the substance to make me whole again as you so say I have done you