And just like a classic 80s trend I am back again, whether you wished for it or not.
Today marks 281 days since my last post. A lot happened in those 281 days, not least of which was the five-year anniversary of this blog on November 28th, 2023. Five years since little 17-year-old Rhiannon set out to write down all of her thoughts and opinions (controversial or not).
In those five years I have grown a lot as a person (you'd hope from 17 to 22 I would) and I find it quite nostalgic to have such a collection of change and growth recorded somewhere for me to look back on.
In writing today's post, I reflected a lot on the 99 posts I have made over these last five years. I read back over some early creative work, I read about trips I'd taken, people who are in my life and some who aren't anymore, I read over some opinion pieces that I am proud of and others where my views have shifted slightly, and I read over my self-reflection pieces and thought about how much has changed or not changed since each of those posts (if introspection was a career I think I'd have a pretty top-level executive spot).
And ultimately, I came to quite a sudden realisation - I really am not all that special.
I think when you spend a vast part of your childhood so focused on becoming something you kind of start to think that something will be an exception to the rule. It won't be like everyone else because it will be better. It will achieve more or succeed in ways not yet succeeded in or some other lofty idealisation.
But when it comes down to it. Unless you're a Taylor Swift or a Elon Musk or a *insert other celebrity name* you really don't stand out.
You're just you. Known by few and truly loved and accepted by even less.
And I think that's actually a wonderful thing to realise.
I don't want to be something anymore. I'm already something by existing so I may as well keep existing and have a good time making the most of it.
About this time last year, I made a post detailing my 2023 goals as making goals has always been a pretty central part of my character. They were lofty (as they usually are) and included things like running a marathon.
I put a lot of expectation on myself and it ultimately led to a downturn in my mental health as I tried to balance everything and achieve the list of things I'd set out for myself. In the end it led to me making the decision to put the blog on hold for the year in order to focus on as few key things as I could to make sure I made it through it one piece.
In 2023, I most definitely did not run a marathon. In fact, I ran roughly half as much as I did in 2022 and I also did not end up hiking any more than I did in the years preceding. In comparison, I did buy an apartment and I did finish university which were both massive things for me (and a long time in the works).
So, in the wake of all of this, I thought about 2024 and the twelve months ahead and I started my usual routine of planning ahead and trying to think about what goals I would set myself for this year.
But the more I thought about it the more I realised I was falling back into an old pattern of wanting to do more than I need.
So, I have decided not to set any distinctive goals this year. My only goal is to just be this year. To not hold myself to any expectations, to not set any goals or put any pressure on myself to do or be something.
If I get from January to December and nothing of consequence happens, I will be happy. I've never been in such a good place in my life before and I'd like to bask in my happiness for a while, to do things that make me happy, to be around people who make me happy and to celebrate with my friends and family as much as I possibly can.
I'm not intending for 2024 to be the "best year of my life" but I do believe it will be a lovely year.
I'm focusing on my health, my relationships and my overall wellbeing and I'm really looking forward to it. I hope you are too!
Till next time,
Rhi xx